Actor Psychological Trench Warfare

I was assigned a best friend during my first semester of the Music Theatre program of Florida State.

No joke.  I was assigned a best friend.

Now this isn't like your mom putting together amazing goody bags so kids would come to your birthday party (although...you put together a nice goody bag and miracles do happen).  After a few weeks of observation and analysis, my professors paired every student with another from class as "best friends".  We were to build a relationship with said best friend over the course of the semester and complete all scene work together until Christmas.  I realize now that my best friend was also a pillar of consistency in a class designed to make you feel like a complete failure by finals week, thereby enabling you to start from scratch, without any preconceived notions, in January.  My best friend, of course, was Mike the hockey player.  You might remember him from The Glass of Death.  But before my public humiliation in our aquatic death match, Mike and I first took on the task of an "open scene" or, as I like to call it, "actor psychological trench warfare."

The assignment is simple.

"Here's a sheet of paper with ten lines of arbitrary dialogue" our prof explained. "You have no back story, no character information.  You may create the circumstances as you wish.  We'll start scene showings next week."

Mike the hockey player and I began brainstorming immediately.  Typical freshman, we were eager to show off and entirely ignorant of just how bad we really were.  Our plan was beautiful in its simplicity.  "You see most people in this situation panic and swing for the fence" we thought.  "They come up with an elaborate story that's entirely too complex."  We used vocabulary terms like engaging the material, believable choices, character development, etc.  Unfortunately, the details of who came up with our golden idea are unclear.  So, for the sake of fairness, let's give Mike the credit.

Mike: Dude, I've got it.
Tim: What?
Mike: I've got it.
Tim: What is it?
Mike: You have to pee.
Tim: Nah I'm good man, what are you my mother?  What's your idea?
Mike: No. Dude, you have to pee.
Tim: I have to pee?
Mike: You have to--
Tim: (catching on) I HAVE TO PEE!

I'm pretty sure Edison would've been jealous of our genius.  I had to pee.  It was perfect.  Our scene would be set in a typical room, between two friends, one of them leaving to pee, the other preventing him from leaving.  I would be the pee-er; Mike would be the preventer. Summon Her Majesty the Queen!  Move over Bill Shakespeare! Tim and Mike the hockey player are creating the scene of a lifetime!!! We basked in our brilliance, imagining the glorious feedback we'd receive from our adoring yet ever so slightly jealous peers.  Life was good.

Fast forward to a week later, Mike and I are ready for action.  I chug a little bit of water before the performance just to get my head in the game. I dazzle the audience with my best pee dance moves while Mike systematically blocks my exit to the bathroom.  Everything runs exactly as we had rehearsed.  Ready for applause, we walk back to our professor and peers for feedback.

The ever glamorous and even more brilliant professor Jean says "Tim, what do you normally do when you have to pee?"...I stand in silence, nodding slightly as if admiring the profoundness of the question. "Tim, what do you normally do when you have to pee?" Jean repeated.  I skillfully reply "...uh. Well I normally just walk to a bathroom and...ya know...pee."  "Good" she said. "Do it again and show me.  What do you do when you have to pee?"

We restart the scene.  Suddenly, right as I was beginning my meticulously rehearsed pee dance, a voice cried out from the audience, almost reverberating off the black walls of the rehearsal space.  "BS"  professor Jean delightedly exclaimed from the audience.  She was smiling as she repeated herself, "BS."

...except she didn't use abbreviations.

Now I'm thoroughly confused and wonderfully entertained by the fact that my professor just cussed during class (....silly freshman....*sigh*), so I have absolutely no clue what she is referring to.

"Tim, what do you do normally when you have to pee?"

This question again?? I thought we went through this before. I reply "...well"

Prof. Jean: "You just go pee right?"
Me: "Right."
Prof. Jean: "So go. Right now. Show me what it looks like for you to walk to the bathroom."

I cautiously start walking away, unsure of what is going to happen next.

Prof. Jean: "Good Tim.  Now why didn't you do that in the scene?"
Me: "I'm not sure what you..."
Prof. Jean: "Why didn't you walk like that in the scene?"
Me: "Oh, well I wanted to show that I had to pee."
Prof. Jean: "Ah, you wanted to show me you had to pee."
Me: "Yeah."

Professor Jean went on to explain that acting must first and foremost be honest.  You can have the best singing voice, the best accents, the best facial expressions the world has ever seen.  If you don't know how to use them honestly...your audience won't be engaged. For those that are unfamiliar with actor vocab, you are going to learn two words today. Honest acting has nothing to do with whether or not your character tells the truth.  Honest acting implies an audience feels that the person on stage is a real person with real circumstances and real convictions about fighting for a real objective.  It will look like a slice of real life.  Now matter how bizarre the given circumstances of a play, if an actor is honest, the audience will be engaged and temporarily forget the actor's identity and focus only on the character's world.

And there was the problem.  My overrehearsed, overplayed, and overacted bathroom dance looked absolutely ridiculous because it was dishonest.  Rather than pulling the audience into the world we created, I slapped em all with the reality of a novice actor who is desperate to do the assignment right. You know what the worst part is?  I thought I was being honest.  I convinced myself that I was truly fighting for my objective of "get to the bathroom at all costs."  My actions, on the other hand, suggested that my actual objective was to "get my class and professor to see that I had to pee."

That's the thing with objectives.  It's possible tell yourself that you are fighting for Objective A.  But until someone comes along and calls BS, you have no clue that what you're actually doing is fighting for Objective B.  In other words, instead of "fighting to pee" you are fighting to "make it look like your objective is to pee."

This becomes a big deal when you're dealing with life objectives.  Are you fighting to get a contract or are you fighting to make it look like you are fighting to make it?  One is significantly harder than the other is it not?  You can look like you're fighting to make it by posting a few strategic Facebook posts, hitting up an audition or two, and telling the guys at the bar you're "between contracts." Actually fighting to make it means you're at the gym a few times a week at the crack of dawn because you need to be in line early enough for a chance to be seen.  Fighting to make it means you're saving money, taking dance classes, reviewing your rep book, breaking in new shoes, keeping an audition log, networking, and all the other things we artists do when we're trying to get a job.  You know what?  People can tell the difference.

Is your objective to grow closer to God or is your objective to make it look like you are?  How about I make this a little more practical?  Is your objective to love God or to prove your point?  Is your objective to be a genuine friend to that person or to get something from them?  Is your objective to be friendly or see how far they're willing to go?  Is your objective to keep God as your priority or do just enough to get by?  I'll step up and say that I am definitely guilty of claiming one objective and living another. Please forgive me; from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry.  I'm apologizing because false objectives with God, rarely stay as private issues.  As an artist, you can convince yourself that you're trying to land a contract or you're gonna get that triple turn before December or get in the practice room twice a week...without doing anything about it.  You're only affecting yourself.  Not so with God.  I'm sure all of us can tell a story about a person who convinced themselves that their objective was to "speak the truth" or "defend the Gospel" when in reality their objective was less admirable.

Let's get honest.  We all need someone who can call BS on us.  Someone who can see the subtleties of our motives and actions, calling our attention to discrepancy or dishonesty.  Enter God upstage center.  What better person to measure our honesty than the person by whom we define truth?

During my last blog, you picked an objective.  This time, I challenge you to ask someone to help you evaluate if that is the objective you're actually fighting for.  I suggest asking God and a trusted friend.  That combination seems to be harder to avoid.  If you aren't sure about the whole faith in God thing yet.  Fair enough, just go with a trusted friend.

PS
Please put 'honest' and 'engaged' on flashcards and have them prepared for next time.